Now he's turning this experience into sage advice for the fairer sex. Check out an excerpt of the book below, then head to the "GMA" Library for other great reads. One of those that stood out most was the lifestyle of a famous and well-regarded celebrity, whose name I'm just going to go ahead and keep to myself.
But this much I will tell you: this man had it all—money, fame, and a bevy of super-beauties so bad he could have easily made Hugh Hefner scratch his head and wonder how he could get in on that action. I mean this man was surrounded by gorgeous women. A lot. And I was amazed at this because I couldn't understand how one person could get all of these fine women like this.
I mean, he wasn't the best-looking dude in the business—there were others with more money, more prestige, and certainly better looks than him. Still, he was a master at keeping a stack of solid tens at all times, with commitments to none of them.
I'd heard about these superplayers with supermodels on their arms and everything, but when I saw it up close, I was amazed at how the actual connections could happen, and especially why these women stayed with this guy, knowing that they were one of many hanging on his arm.
So I sat down and talked to this guy and a bunch of other men who were in similar "relationships" and asked them point-blank: How do you keep these women coming back for more?
And each one, including the most notorious of the bunch, laughed, shook his head, and said pretty much the same thing: those women want the money, the fame, and the lifestyle, and they're willing to put up with a lot of things—not many of them good—to get it. It just is what it is.
And each time I asked them what could have made it different for the women they were with, almost down to the letter, each one of those men said the same thing: if a woman came to me and quizzed me up front about my intentions, they would have known from the beginning that I'm not looking for anything serious. They don't ask, each one said, because they think they're going to run me off, so I get to just string them along. And the one celebrity who seemed to be the master of all of this said, quite simply, "I have enough of them so that when I get the questions, I don't have to answer because for every one woman who asks, I have two more who won't.
But that's how it is. And this kind of thinking from guys isn't just happening in celebrity circles, trust me. Some of them have as many women as some of my celebrity friends, and the women they run game on are just as fine as some of the supermodels clinging to the arms of stars. But if you're a woman on a string of three or thirty-three, you're still on a string. And both you and I know that's not a good place to be. Your objective is to avoid being on the string. The first step, I think, is to get over the fear of losing a man by confronting him.
Just stop being afraid, already. The most successful people in this world recognize that taking chances to get what they want is much more productive than sitting around being too scared to take a shot. The same philosophy can easily be applied to dating: if putting your requirements on the table means you risk him walking away, it's a risk you have to take.
Because that fear can trip you up every time; all too many of you let the guy get away with disrespecting you, putting in minimal effort and holding out on the commitment to you because you're afraid he's going to walk away and you'll be alone again.
And we men? We recognize this and play on it, big time. Know this: the game is old, and it's not ever going to change. My sons will do it the same way because they can and there will be women who allow it to happen.
How do you do this? Start by making the man be really clear up front about what he wants out of his life and his relationship with you. You do this by asking him these key five questions— questions that will help you determine right away what values this guy has and how you fit into his plans.
Asking these questions will help you determine whether you should stick around to see where your relationship goes, or if you should run really fast in the opposite direction. Note: There's no need to delay asking these questions—ask them right away, as soon as you think you might be remotely attracted to a man you've met. If he's turned off by the questions, so what: you have the right to the information.
And if he isn't willing to answer them, well you know from the gate he's not the one for you. If you're going to get into a relationship with a man, you should know what his plans are and how they fit into the key elements that make a man—who he is, what he does, and how much he makes. These three things, as I've already told you, are extremely important to any mature, grown man, and you have every right to know what he's doing right now, and what he's planning over the next three to five years, to be the real, grown man he wants to be.
His answer also will help you determine whether you want to be a part of that plan or not. You'll know to throw up your much-needed red flag if he doesn't have a plan at all.
If he's got a plan, well great. Men love to talk about themselves. We do this because we know that in order to catch you, we have to impress you. So allow us to impress. Say things like, "Wow, how did you get into that field? Maybe you can even see yourself helping him study or being there for him at graduation and giving him suggestions for how to transform himself from the blue-collar worker who installs the cable to the engineer who helps build the technology for the cable company.
But if you ask him what his short-term goals are, and he tells you something crazy, like "I'm in street pharmaceuticals, and right now I have one block but my goal in the next few years is to have ten blocks on the west side from Henry Street to Brown Street," well, then you know right then and there that you can go on ahead and keep it moving. The same applies to the man who states his short-term goals, but clearly has no plan to implement them.
Go to the bowling alley or the golf course, or just go out for a walk. This takes the pressure off, gives him something to focus on, and makes it so much easier for him to loosen up and talk freely.
If you want your man to open up about his feelings, you may have to step out of your comfort zone a bit, too. Some men are silent about how they feel, but they love to talk about what they think.
Get intellectual with him, talk about business, politics, philosophy, and you may have him chatting away happily for hours. When your guy does open up and start talking, listen without leaping to conclusions. If you start reading into everything he says, it is bound to lead to misunderstanding.
So listen. Just listen. If you want something, ask for it. If you feel there is an issue that needs to be resolved, say so. I want to understand how you feel about this. Every man is unique, and every relationship too.
Where my husband is from, btw. He loves to be outdoors, camping, bike riding or working in the garden. You can connect with him on Facebook, and read more of his writings at the Elephant Journal. I need help and reassurance please.
I hope just writing this helped you work through some thoughts and feelings. I met this guy online two months ago and first time chatting to him I enjoyed the conversation, he was so funny, free spirited person, easy to talk with and made me laugh. But as weeks went he changed into being that bubbly energetic guy I fell for. The worst part is I fall inlove everyday for him and I love him now and mind you we are in two months now. What to do? Thanks for the straight forward advice!!
I still get the positive cards for our relationship but it recently spoke to my depression or other emotional blockages getting in the way. Just never has verbally said much of anything. I talk a lot. And have truly worked on becoming a much better listener Non Violent Communication and Untethered Soul really helped me with this and letting go of painful energy , and I feel like this relationship really is the test. After 14 years I still want to smack my husband out of his silence sometimes.
You decide what you absolutely need, and communicate it to him by helping him understand how important it is to you. Ask him how you can help him feel more comfortable expressing himself. And remember that he will probably never, ever do that as a girlfriend might. So, I have spent much of the last several years researching men with the intention of understanding them and, hopefully, resulting in a successful relationship. I have learned so, so much and I love the advice you have given.
My recent dilemma is that, it seems that my bf will only partake in conversations that he is interested in. I have started to stop trying. I walk away, do my own thing and maybe call a friend. Long term though, I dont see how this could work. Any advice would be much appreciated! WE and I do mean WE have to remember that these are men. Your interests — and needs — are as important as his, girlfriend.
My advice is to have a serious conversation with him. Tell him what you need in order to feel [fill-in-the-blank]. Important: before you do this get very clear on your feelings and what you need from him. Also, be prepared for him to be unable to give you what you need. And to be ready to make decisions accordingly. Best, Bp. Only him. Sorry but that says a lot about your relationship. I feel for you. He talks to complete strangers and has very detailed conversations with them. I just want to talk to him.
This hurt me deeply as I am the exact opposite. Our sex life is well.. Sad for me as I want him and love him very much. Sex is my way to bond. The more we spoke the worse things got. She would give us assignments and he would not do them. We have three daughters 22, 20 and I made a vow before God and everyone for the rest of my life I would love and cherish this man.
And to add a bit of side info… while I was pregnant with our first daughter, his job was 2nd shift so he would go out after work. Things were being brought to light and I had a strong gut feelings he cheated at least 2 times. He never tells me he loves me. My heart broke. I am so sorry for your situation, tlynn.
You need to decide what you and your kids are willing to put into trying to get him to open up. Not fair to you or your kids. Hugs, Bp. Kind of frustrated.
Sometimes you need to try equally as hard to understand us. Let us lean on you. We too need reassuring that we matter to you. Pain will almost certainly become resentment.
You give attention to your hobbies, friends, jobs, etc…. Hell no! When the audience is men, knowing how their brain may work differently and how to best approach the talk will ultimately help you get what you need from him. We need to know how you feel and think about what we are talking about! We need you to open up about what makes you happy, sad, mad, excited, etc. If you can express feelings emotions and thought during sex you can express then outside the bedroom. Nothing is more frustrating than what I feel is a one way relationship.
I feel like this writing should be published in a magazine you see at your local grocery story checkout isle. Is this a good thing to send. I understand Men are not raised to talk about their feelings.
Another thing is I want to get know you better. I want to understand how you feel about this; about us? Even if you have to read it!
Nice to know what not to do as well. This is just another adult conversation. Stay confident. And remember, nobody will dig a girl who acts like she hates herself. Even really smart guys often miss big clues. So, the best way to ask him how he feels is to be honest. Speak on his level. And if he makes you feel comfortable in his presence, it should be easier than you think. Also, make it personal and sincere. Prepare yourself ahead of time.
But you need to accept what he says back. Youw immediately connect with an awesome coach via text or over the phone in minutes. Just click here ….
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